you are not *that* special

Time and again, when we find ourselves in people trouble -- taking things personally, blowing them out of proportion, jumping to accusations, and burning bridges -- it's time to remind yourself: you're not that special.

It's one of my favorite mottos, as friends will attest, when I get asked if I agree that the "evidence" is all pointing to "they're out to get me" -- to which I answer, "Please. People are way too self-centered and egotistical to be concerned with how their actions are actually affecting you." In other words, you ain't that special.

And then I hear: Yeah, but this person completely ignored me today -- it must mean they're mad at me or don't like me. Oh, maybe because of something I said or did.

So what?! People have better things to do (or should anyway) than to think, "Oh, I'm totally going to ignore you on purpose, so that you'll know for sure that I hate you. Yeah, that'll show you." And guess what. You have better things to do than worry about than read into the minutest gestures you get from each person.

In any case, if someone were really to have a problem with you, then they should come right out and say it to your face. If they do have a problem, but don't take it up with you, then for goodness sake, don't make it your problem. The best thing to do is be yourself and carry on as usual. (Eye on the prize, eye on the prize.)

So say they do approach you about it. There are really only two ways it can play out.

Scenario A: The person (who is immature and unwise) is demeaning, critical, and out right rude with what they think and how they feel. They just want to make you feel bad about yourself. And possibly manipulate you into succumbing to their influence.

Don't fall for it. Their mind is made up and there is nothing you can do to appease them, that is, without succumbing. Just don't. Instead, thank them for the constructive criticism and feedback and say you will work on improving the matter, and be on your merry way. There is no need to waste your time or energy on this person. (That is, unless this is a very close person to you -- in which case you should be the person in Scenario B.)

Scenario B: The wise, mature person confronts you and is concerned (for your sake, not their own). They ask clarifying questions without accusing or jumping to conclusions. They want to understand if something they interpreted is really true or false, so they can clear the air and move on with life. They may provide sincere constructive criticism and true advice, but only because they don't want the same thing (mistake, miscommunication, etc.) to keep happening to you.

Listen to this person. Keep an open mind (and closed ego) to what they're saying and understand where they are coming from. Also ask clarifying questions. Reach a mutual understanding and respect for each other. And sincerely thank them for taking the time to reach out to you. They may not be so willing to the next time they see you making the same mistake over and over. When you've resolved the issue at hand, go home and think about how you can grow from this experience and become a wiser person. Make amends with yourself and others, as necessary.

I shouldn't be so cynical to insinuate that "you ain't that special" to anyone. It's not really true to the people who do really care about you. But let's face it, we're lucky if we have a handful of people like that in our lives. So that, for better or worse, pretty much puts everyone else in the you-ain't-that-special-to-them category. But that's okay, because that means you need to get over yourself and move on, too.

change isn't enough

All this politicking around needing "change" is making me wonder if our politicians, and the rally rousers around this idea, have their heads in the clouds. Wake up! Isn't it obvious that change is already happening everywhere, all the time, and more so today than generations ago? In fact, it's been happening exponentially -- to the point where I'm surprised we haven't increased the level of earth's entropy to the point of spontaneous combustion. (Perhaps that's where global climate change is leading after all.)

Don't we eat, travel, move, communicate, network, change jobs, reproduce, consume, waste, destroy, and rebuild more -- and to greater extremes -- than any civilization has before? We encounter and interact with the world around us more than ever before. We have more knowledge about the world and how technology can change things even more. Yet the one thing that hasn't increased and grown with all this change -- the one thing we don't seem to have any greater understanding of -- is compassion.

Where is the compassion? "Where is the love?" as Black Eyed Peas sings it. Where is the respect and understanding and true sense of value for human life?

It's a funny feeling for me to walk down the street and see all of these people and realize that complete strangers living in the same neighborhood (or building, even) co-exist in complete ignorance of each other. How did we end up in a society where the unspoken rule is "I leave you alone and you leave me alone" and go about our own business without a second thought to how we can do something for someone, however small, that will make their world a better place?

My wish for every person is to have the courage to do this: understand that the small gestures do matter and are within reach. Acknowledge the people around you. Affirm them. Make eye contact with the stranger in the elevator and smile. Even make small talk if you feel like it (and they are receptive). Say hello. Say thank you. Whatever it is you do, do it with compassion, respect, and unconditional love.

And that, my friends, is all the "change" we need -- because it's the only thing that is always within each person's reach.

knowing the unknowable

Can you imagine what it would be like, or feel like, if your mind could perceive everything there is to know in an all-encompassing reality? I have had many a self-induced headache from trying to do just that. It's mind-boggling, at the least, that if history tells us any one thing, it's that more than half of what we believe to be "truths" today will be proven wrong in the following hundreds of years.

Plus, out of everything there is to know in our world today, whose "right" is it to say what knowledge is most important to retain and pass on, and what isn't? I have an inkling that many people get too caught up with remembering, memorizing, and dwelling on information that in the "grand scheme" of things really is useless.

This reminds me of this humbling documentary that I highly recommend to everyone and anyone: "What The Bleep Do We Know?"